jheng's rainbow

Sunday, August 21, 2005

I AM A PRINCESS. A LONELY PRINCESS

I hate my life now. Got nothing worthwhile to do but to surf the net and play games on my pc. I go out but just for coffee or dinner. I am a full time bummer but I prefer the term "PRINCESS". I don't know if its right to blame myself for the miseries I am in right now. I was given by lady luck the chance to be in a sphere I really desire to be but I just blew it all off. I applied in this company where 18 people applied and only 3 made it to initial interview including me. But I just wasted that chance by letting my anxiety and fear take over my wits. I was stamerring like I don't know anything about what I am speaking of. I can't put all the blame on the guy who interviewd me coz I know he's just doing his job. The only thing he said that really made me feel I'm in is when he asked me if I'm ready to start on the 29th. He said he'd call me the following day because the person in charge of my final interview is not available. I was given false hopes. I should've known better.

Its really a kick in the teeth! Call me desperate but I cried for 2 consecutive days after I found out I didn't make it. People tell me I shouldn't be bothered too much coz there are lots of other jobs I could apply for. But I can't imagine another company who give me a whopping 27 kiao for just answering the phone; An intelligent and competitive team of people who graduated in top schools; A permanent shift in an office that has no dress codes; Or even a catered dinner at their dime plus botomless coffee the whole night; An accident insurance worth at least 200 kiao; Your very own station and computer that has flat screen monitor and thin cpu; And don't forget the other preks like free cofee mugs, pizza parties, free lockers and team building activities.

When I think about all of the good stuffs I blew off, I can't stop blaming myself for being such a fool. I know my capabilities and I am pretty much sure I am not stupid but sometimes I feel like I lack what it takes. If I would be given one wish it'll definetely be to go back to that dreadful initial interview and iron out my wits and compose myself. I don't know how long this depression is gonna last. But I hope soon. Sooner.

jheng blabbered @ 4:39:00 PM

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{jHenG}{21}{tRaVeLagEnT}

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