Do we really have to look in the past to mend up the present and get to the future? This thought circled my weary head last night. Because of some lame friendster account, the argument as to whether I still have feelings for my ex recurred resembling a deja vu. Never had I imagined losing Christian and I know I could never afford to find someone like him again. I am sure that deep inside myself I dont love my ex anymore, but my past still haunts me similar to a poltergeist that would never give me restful nights. Closing an almost 1 year of serious and memorable relationship is one of the hardest things I did. Jey-ar's memories can never be replaced by anyone else and I consider it a treasure in itself, but I at last realized I have to move on. Not for Christian but for me. I know my honey only wants the best for me and I feel so stupid for disregarding his feelings and concerns. Having wept a million times and acting a stupid fool just to ease the pain, I think this the appropriate time to let go. I want to stop living in the past along with making ways to work myself closer to the one who loves me. I must just face the awful truth that not all good things last -- that I have to put an end to reminiscing the times of yore. My life has to go on sans all the memories, be it delightful or depressing. I want to, once and for all, put an end to sighing and disheartening every time I dredge up our past.
Well Hon if you get to read this, I just hope you'd still believe me when I say Im making an effort to mend up for the lost trust. Im irrevocably saying my goodbyes and just letting bygones be bygones. You are my life now and I never regret anything that happened between us although we both know everything happened so fast. I long for an enduring relationship that would take us both to something deeper and more significant than just any typical promise of love. No words are enough to say every thing that flies around my wits every single night I think of you. You dont have any idea how much I care for this relationship and how hard I am trying to work things out. I dont care if I'm about to win or lose in this game of love, but believe me Im risking it all just to make you stay. Never have I felt so sure in my judgment so Im just hoping for the best. I love you so much honey...
jheng
blabbered @ 10:21:00 PM
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last tuesday, my honey and i went to tapika in kat...
